Entry for May 07, 2006 It's amazing how quickly the weeds choke the path!

Entry for May 07, 2006 It's amazing how quickly the weeds choke the path!
Today we went to visit some of our friends up "North". I can only say WOW! It is amazing how quickly the weeds have choked the path. We were invited and still were treated like out casts. Is it because we aren't filthy rich? Is it because I didn't wear my cross? Could it be because I wasn't dressed in Polo or Ralph Lauren? What ever the case may be, DAMN IT, I am who I am, my mother couldn't accept me for who I am, and was, and I didn't change, so why in the HELL should I change for anyone else? Wanna know my secret??? I'm not a materialist person, yes, I drive a nice car, sold very cheap (and I sincerely appreciate the deal) by my dad and his wife, yes, my son wears Ralph Lauren, Gap and Polo, again my secret, they were all given to me for free. Again, we are very appreciative. Life is no about being the best, making the most, and looking the best, it is what you leave behind and I'm not talking about possessions. Our life will not be remembered by our great-great grandchildren, but by our children, and grandchildren and the impact that we leave on them. Sunshine will grow up with the best that I can provide him, but with dignity to shop at Goodwill and Yard Sales. I fell like everything after 2:00 today was a total waste of our time. We simply should have stayed at T & B's and played Euchre and hung out with real friends. And then on the way home I got to thinking, what in the hell am I doing with my life? Who am I going to be in 10 years? What can I do to change it. On one hand I want to have enough money not to worry about bills, and such, so I bought a few Powerball tickets, but I want to ALWAYS be home to put my kids in bed EVERYNIGHT. Why have them if you can't spend time with them? I know that several of my friends and family disagree with the way that I'm raising my child, soon to be children, but they raise their kids the way that they want to, and they are alive, so what can I say. My sunshine changes with every sunrise and sunset, whether it is something that he learned at daycare, or the few extra minutes that I took to spend with him instead of sleeping. I only want to do the best I can, and GOD, I hope that it is good enough! It is very sad and difficult to report that I'm terribly depressed today and ready to ball my eyes out. I used to get the feelings when I left their house, why did I think that things would be different today, I'm still the outcast. And Howard always asks why I make sure that we are invited before we attend certain things, because this is what we feel like, even after we were invited. Crazy huh? So to T & B, thank you so much for eating a wonderful slider lunch with us, and spending the few hours with us that you did, it was fantastic. To JM, I'm sorry that I missed you, I will see you next time, or perhaps we can meet in the middle. To everyone else, life is very good for us, even if we aren't sitting with a big bank account, new cars, and a million toys, we are happy with love, compassion and companionship. Either way, we love you all and GOD Bless.

Katy